sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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