a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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