i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i need some magic done to my vagina
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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