I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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