Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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