I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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