i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
