grandma shit on top of the toilet
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize