i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
