I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
