how can u be prego again
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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