I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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