im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
