I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
