I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize