I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
