Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
