You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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