I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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