Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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