for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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