I heard we made out
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
