he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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