Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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