I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
