billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
