Quick, to the slutcave!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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