i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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