Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
