for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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