Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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