Apparently you make a good broom.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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