wakey wakey hands off snakey
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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