This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
