I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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