So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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