yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
