His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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