oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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