i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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