Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
