In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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