she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This house was built for laser tag.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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