I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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