My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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