i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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