she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
