party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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