I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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