You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
