I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
