Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
