Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
