I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
