kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
