tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
