made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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