i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
