Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize