So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
