You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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