I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
