I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize