i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
