I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize