I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
