I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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