Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
