Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
