She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
