"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
