so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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