You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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