put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
