you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
