no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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