I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
