just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
