his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
