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you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
