Dual....:-)
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
