I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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