I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize