All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize