dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
