You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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