mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
