That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
