So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
