I look better un-naked...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
