he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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