WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize