how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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