Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
