I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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