Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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