we're chasing vodka with high fives
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
