There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
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