when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
