Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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