Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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