I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
