guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
