hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
