he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
