respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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