we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
