if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
